To Alli
“I mean we aren’t dating yet, so there isn’t really anything to know.”
I said that, trying to keep it light,
but honestly, it’s all I think about.
Because all I want is for there to be something to know.
“I prob should have,“
I told you when you said you wanted to walk out with me.
I should have.
I should have said something.
“It’s concerning the amount of things I can’t find,“
you said, and it made me laugh,
but the truth is, I’ve been trying to find the right words for you.
Trying to find the courage.
Trying to find a way to not mess this up.
“Aw, Tara must’ve been happy,“
you said about her and Wenhao,
because you notice things other people don’t.
You care in ways that feel effortless,
but they’re everything to me.
“I’ll miss you though,“
you said about me not being in art.
”Just a bit,” you added,
but it felt like so much more.
It’s these little things you say
that hit harder than you’ll ever know.
“Did you finish your homework yet?”
It’s such a simple question,
but you ask like it matters, and it motivates me more every time.
You see the small things,
the things that matter,
and it makes me want to be the kind of person who sees them too.
“I don’t really want to tell anyone,“
you said, about us.
And that’s okay.
Because it’s not about anyone else.
It’s about me and you.
It’s about us.
“I wanted to walk out with you,“
you said, and I hated that I missed it.
”Next time,” I promised.
Because in that moment, I realized how much I want that too.
I want to be the person you don’t hesitate to walk out with
not just from robotics,
but from every room,
every moment that feels too quiet, too loud, too anything.
“Tbh around 10:30 I’m either reading or doing math,“
you told me.
”But I can make exceptions.”
That hit different.
Because you make me feel like I could be the exception to so many rules.
And now I’m sitting here,
reading through everything we’ve said,
thinking about all the ways you’ve made me feel.
And I’m just going to say it:
Can I be your boyfriend?